WEEK THIRTY FOUR 20/08 -- 26/08

Another week begins and although paid we are immediately skint again, this has to be the next big thing I change now, time to put some money aside if only so that I can survive the month easier. 

Getting very upset and angry with myself and I must find a way to deal with this, at the moment even though I know it's a big problem there is no solution that is easy, it will take a lot of time and effort on my part and the truth is ... I really don't believe I have it in me to get better. 

Depression sucks, having a weak and destructive personality isn't helping either and I sort of understand why so many people take the only way out they can see. Don't want to end my life this way but it is hanging on by a thread at times and there is no one in my life now that will be able to help nor give me the support / reason to live that I need. Not that I want to take anyone down with me and that was the reason I had to end things with Kate as she was deserving of so much more. I pray that you do find the health and happiness my dear, and looks like things are better with your family, and the new puppy will be amazing and lots of love. 

All things this week lead up to the August Bank Holiday weekend and at least then I have a few things to do that will get me out of the house, hopefully have a bit of fun and try to break free of the problems that I inflict on myself. 

• Open Day at Hillingdon Railway Modellers
• Day out to Windsor, lunch by river
• Day out on Mid Hants Railway, Alton

Now if I can't enjoy those three events then I really have no hope at all. Shame I do all this alone but that's my own fault and not going to change now. 

Try and enjoy what's left of your life

Will aim to have a better week and report more positively next time, we all allowed to have a bad day or two now and then.