Well this is becoming a habit now and I am quite scared to be honest of the way things are turning dark for me. Week has not begun well with no money once more for the month ahead. Spent the last few days off work and was supposed to have gone to York but I spend it sat at home in tears and absolutely no one to turn to.
These are the days when I think about going to Beachy Head or somewhere and take that final leap.
Not even been able to see friends, its scares me to go out and I honestly don't want to bother others since I know they have their own issues which are much more than mine. Mine are self imposed, there is no way out for me I know that now, it's just a question of time.
Only the feeling that I would be letting the family down is keeping me going, there isn't very much else really, and no amount of beating myself up and self harming is going to fix things in a hurry. So what can I do?
Had Monday and Tuesday off, and instead of being in York I just went to the Crematorium to sit and think, I go here regularly enough over the years and it's nice and peaceful, yet still can't move on as such. At least got out of the house and did find the will power to go meet an old friend Mark in Egham so that was something positive and a really good catch up.
Boost your energy.
Exercise and a proper diet are the best energy
boosters.
• Never skip breakfast. A good balanced breakfast
boosts your energy all morning long.
• Get exercise. Being active is the best way to boost
and maintain energy.
• Limit how much alcohol you drink. It depletes
your energy.
• Avoid overeating. Big meals leave you feeling sluggish.
• Have light snacks throughout the day.
Frequent small meals and snacks help you maintain a constant energy supply.
Choose healthy foods that give you energy, such as fruits, nuts and yoghurt. Avoid sweets, crisps and other foods that are low in nutrients and high in calories.
The weekend got off to a wonderful and surprising start, with an away victory for AFC Wimbledon beating fellow Londoners Charlton Athletic 2-1 at The Valley. Over 1700 travelling Wombles was tremendous support and two late goals help to keep us out of the relegation places for another week.
Other than that was fairly peaceful weekend, done plenty of housework, had a bit of a clear out too and making plans to ensure that I can get through the coming month. As reported here before in this journal I have hit some financial issues and budgets, but we will be ok, there is a plan and between now and the end of the year it will be a case of make do.
Have a long weekend coming up with Friday and Monday off, was originally going to York but that's been put off (again) and instead hopefully going to see a good friend and relax. I don't go out too much with others and that's part of my depression and anxiety that I try to work on.
One thing that DOES really help me and I would recommend to everyone is to immerse yourself in different styles of music for relaxation as well as for get rid of some anger and working out too.
Listen to music and relax.
It’s no accident that music is a feature of all human cultures. Music can entertain us, distract us from our worries, stimulate our brains and help us relax. Listen to the music that relaxes you and use it to reduce anxiety.
• Listen to music on the way home after a long day at work. Perfect for the commute home and better than staring at your stupid all journey.
• Assemble your own “feel good” music collection and
play it when you need a lift or distraction. I have collections for different moods, and for the Gym / Exercise sessions, power ballads work well here.
• Expand your music horizons by borrowing music CDs and tapes from your local library or by searching and sampling the legitimate online music services.
• Make your own music. Sing or play an instrument. Learning something new such as an instrument no matter how simple I've found to be an excellent way to relax, and turn off from being in front of a computer all the time. I started out with a Harmonica, then Blues Harp, set of bongo's and now back onto the Bass Guitar.
• Be considerate. Music that makes you relax may be
annoying to others. Yeah so perhaps don't go out and get that huge drum kit for your bedroom, might be a bit upsetting to others. Perhaps singing in the shower might be a better way to go.
Saturday night and it's Last Night of the Proms for 2016. A great event it's the 75th prom of the season and I will be in Hyde Park to catch most of the action.
Great performances from the likes of ABC, Rik Astley and Micheal Ball with Alfie Boe amongst the opening acts, but it was Frankie Valli who at 82 years young still belting out the hits along with the Four Seasons, who continue to look younger every time. Good day all round even though the rains came and despite the earlier defeat for Wimbledon losing 2-3 to Sheffield United.
Sunday was certainly a good day of rest, and while that could have turned out better I managed plenty while also enjoying the Paralympics from Rio.
The rest of the week is very quiet, have a few days off coming up soon and we were hoping to go out to York for a long weekend though that is now looking fairly unlikely due to a crisis of funds. Never fear we shall find something else to do a little closer to home and York will still be there for another time.
Lose weight if you know you need to.
Obesity is reaching such epidemic proportions that it is fast becoming the nation’s number one health concern. Adults and children who are overweight are at an increased risk for some types of cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, arthritis and other diseases.
If you need to lose weight, discuss with your doctor about the right weight loss programme for you. Then commit to losing the weight you need to lose through a diet programme that includes portion control, exercise and the support and incentives you need to stick with it.
Become a defensive eater.
• Practice stopping before you are stuffed.
• Be selective. Don’t eat things just because they are put
in front of you.
• Spoil your appetite. Have a low-calorie healthy snack
such as carrot or celery sticks before eating a meal.
• Drink plenty of water, often hunger craving can be kept at bay by keeping hydrated, plus drinking plenty of filtered water won't really harm you.
• Try keeping it simple. Avoid all-you-can-eat buffets
and stick to simple, well-balanced meals.
SEPTEMBER is here. I must have blinked and missed summer while keeping busy. Oh well onward into the last four months of this year, another year that I can't say has been much fun although if honest it has been all my own making.
This week, less busy, but at least started with a bit of rugby at Twickenham and a win for AFC Wimbledon 2-1 against Chesterfield. That win, our first of the season, takes us up off bottom place and out of the relegation zone for the time being and after the league trophy win over Swansea Academy we should look forward to the next home game on Saturday (Sheffield United) with some relish.
Work is ok for now, it's keeping me busy, home would be better if I can get out more and also stick to the diet plans, have had a few lapses of late but at least still keeping what I have lost off this year which is positive.
And now as the previous month has passed lets have a look at our statistics, well into the second half of the year and things continue to look good though not progressing as rapidly as I might have liked;
Opening Weight at 1st Jan -- 23st 6lb
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 22
Chest -- 54
Stomach -- 57
Waist -- 48
Thighs -- 27
Biceps -- 14
Revised Weight now as at 9th September -- 21st 1lb
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 20
Chest -- 52
Stomach -- 53
Waist -- 44
Thighs -- 25
Biceps -- 16.5
Small progress, can still do so much better between now and the end of the year, but what I have lost is staying off and that's a plus.
I must try a bit harder though especially when I have had some bad weeks during the month, there is no excuse for feeling sorry for myself and undoing the good work from earlier in the year. Stay happy, you know you can do that.
The week started off fairly well as I did have an active Bank Holiday weekend which began with an Open Day at Hillingdon Railway Modellers in West Drayton. This is a club that my father was a member of and they have a number of open days throughout the year which allows me to bring a few models of his that I still own and give them a bit of a run.
Still working through 100s of photo's I captured during the day although it was just as well I took two cameras as both ran out of charge even though I had fully charged them before going out for the day. Maybe it was excessive use of the flash that caused it and it also meant there was no opportunity to capture some video clips which was a shame, still there is another open day in October.
Bank Holiday Monday and while people enjoyed the likes of CarFest, Reading Festival and Notting Hill Carnival I kept things peaceful and popped down to the riverside in Richmond.
Really busy even though I went pretty early and it was getting warmer so nipped on a bus to Kingston for lunch and that was just as manic. Still good to get out and down by the river, chilled out and actually enjoyed myself. Also lucky to bump into a good friend Sam on the way out which was nice so although the plans for Monday changed it actually turned out to be okay.
Tuesday was off as well and should have been out to Mid Hants Railway but that will have to wait for another day again. Struggled in the latter half of the week and just had the day at the Crematorium to have a bit of a think, really have to make some changes to my life as it's going downhill again. The month is over and it's going to be time to see how my weight is going, sadly I don't think I've done as well as I should have this time around.
Will update my weights and measurements in the next issue but it's going to be a rough few weeks now I can tell and the year can't end soon enough for me despite four months left to go. Counselling and a change of outlook is required.
Take care one and all.
