2019 DIARY WEEK FIFTY TWO (The final) 23rd DEC -- 31st DEC

Wow the final week of 2019 and looks like I am ending it as badly as I started. So sad, my mind just cannot resolve things anymore, and appears that the path I am on is not one that will take me forwards into something new. Reached a dead end now so if this week ends the year, next week is the start of another one and so far nothing is changing. At least once this week passes the current month long train strike should be at an end though I'm sure they'll be another one soon even though the fares will be going up too. 

Working Monday and Tuesday then off, hopefully can pick up a few bits of shopping to get me through, got enough on Monday evening as was surprisingly paid a day earlier which helps, will grab some beers on Tuesday and I believe that Mrs H and Joe are out on Christmas day itself so I can have a bit of peace. Actually have a lot planned to do but at least it'll be done while no one else is about. Paid my bills, not got anything left again though January is a quiet month which is helpful I can at least try and get through that. Got home for Carols from Kings which was very nice and settled me down for Christmas Day itself, seem to have got a few bits from Jean which is nice and I also bought myself some new aftershave (Joop - nice one). 

Christmas Day, try and have a lay in, should have the place to myself so be busy. Get plenty done, listening to music and podcasts too then dinner was sorted later on after listening to the traditional Queen Christmas message at 3pm. Afternoon and evening nicely chilled, am fine today so far.
Boxing Day, ok watched the horse racing and followed Wombles 2-1 away win against Bristol Rovers, however still feeling really low and struggling, do not know where to turn now and have four weeks to survive. living on the edge of defeat all the time now and I really hate myself. 

Rest of the week I have been out and got new travelcard for the month ahead, no money, paid bills, and praying life will be better soon.