The dark nights are with us now and certainly the days are not much brighter either, the start of this week should have been a fun Saturday out, managing to get by with no money but had drinks, chocs and enough to get over to spend an evening with a really good friend of mine. So what can go wrong, well to begin with it was a really cold and wet journey there, and I arrive to find she's got a cold too. After getting there I find they are already half cut on red wine (which is fine, it's Saturday evening and her gaff - her rules) but another guest is also in place so basically means no chance to have a good talk and catch up properly as usual.
Tried to help her sort out a "what can I wear" dress dilemma for next weekend (she's off to some posh do) and don't think I was being a lot of help even though I was being honest. There were other things too that wound me up a bit, it was ok, though I still found myself upset and leaving in the rain to go home feeling so much worse than any time before.
When I needed a friend and someone to talk to they simply are not there any more, beginning to think that I have to cut them free, forget about others and just move on alone. I know I brought this on myself now and the depression is so hard to shake off, I would be better off dead, there is not a single person out there that I feel would miss me if I was not here anymore, friends, family, people I care about I really believe no one actually cares about me. Don't want pity (I have plenty of that for myself) just wanted to be useful to someone and feel some sort of love back, not physical, just something that I can cling onto.
Already overspent £100+ more than I have so next month is really going to be rough, paid Monday and once bills are sorted that's it I think. No Christmas for me, I have some cards will post them but no parties, no presents, no friends. What's the point eh? Time to turn to some other form of help, whether that is professional help or just a forum to pour out my feelings.
So onward into the week ahead, get some decent food in and start making what best plans you can for the next month. I do at least have cards ready for birthdays and Christmas to write and send, if I get the ones needed for Australia out first that will be a start. I just do not feel in the mood for festivities, shopping, presents and all that. Not only that but the fact it is freezing cold here does not exactly help matters.
Get professional help if problems persist.
If you are facing a problem you can’t solve on your own, discuss this with a professional.
• If you have concerns about your child, talk to the school welfare officer or your child’s doctor.
• If you are caring for a grandchild or an older relative, contact a support group or even an online community such as LifeWorks.
• If you could use help with a gambling problem, a shopping addiction, a relationship problem or another personal concern, talk to your doctor, a therapist or an online resource.
Began the week in the pouring rain but hopefully that will pass and the rest of the middle of November will just be cold .... the big coat is out now and the gloves too.
Didn't see my wonderful friend last Friday and will aim to make up for that this week as it's always lovely to see her although sometimes it's hard as we don't get any quality time together. There's nothing happening with us, she (and I'm not naming here for good reason) is very dear to me and has been for a long time, it's not going to develop into anything else and I do know that it's also unlikely that they feel the same as I do. However I worry about them, would love to be more helpful as that is the person I try to be. Shall make more of an effort this week I was not in a good place last week and bailed out.
Sunday was a peaceful day, watched all the remembrance service from the Cenotaph and pleased that the weather brightened up for them all too. At home just got my things together and a plan for the week, struggling with money as always but will be paid next Monday and beginning to sort out things for Christmas without really going overboard.
Had blood test results back too, was 10.8 last time it was taken we've lowered 10% to 9.6 and that's really before the new medication has had a chance to take any effect so we will have to try more over the coming three months and take the next test with the aim to get it nearer a mark of 7. Next appointment with the nurses is December 5th and that's ok as I have couple of days off then. Also making plans to see few people then, Steve, Leslie and Trevor perhaps would be really good.
Survived the week with no money, and yet I still covered children birthdays and got in some Christmas and Birthday cards for next month, we can get by fine and see out the year, but next year MUST change, and we have to start off in the right way.
Bonfire night comes and goes, actually not as bad as I had expected having been kept awake for the past two weeks with explosions going off up to 3am. We get through that and are still struggling with lack of money as well as lack of sleep. Onwards and upwards though as it is November now and we nearly through another year, lets try and make some goals for the last 6 weeks and make it into 2017 in better shape.
This week we remember the sacrifice of those generations past that allow us to live our lives now. Not the materialistic world that will rear it's ugly head later in the coming weeks with "black" Friday and Christmas but the dedication of our brave men and women who gave their lives in service to our country during our darkest hours. We should never forget, and we should educate the young generation more and more so that they never forget either. Some don't even know what this service is all about and that's just sad.
FA Cup football was important at the beginning of this week too and AFC Wimbledon came back from being 2-0 down at half time to draw 2-2 against Bury, so a replay will be required to see if we can continue to round two. The draw for the next round took place on Monday evening and should we progress then it will be an away tie against either Westfields or Curzon Ashton both non league opposition and if Westfields make it through as the lowest ranked team still in the competition it might make us a possible TV game.
Went to Hospital earlier in the week too and got some more blood tests done which will hopefully be available on Friday, and also on some further medication which I pray will be of some help. Next job is to get some glasses as my eyesight is slowly deteriorating now.
Be good to your feet.
With each step, the foot strikes the ground with up to three times our body weight. That’s a lot for our feet to put up with, especially if they’re not properly supported. Here are some tips to prevent foot problems:
• Have your feet measured every so often. Your foot size can increase with age.
• Don’t buy shoes first thing in the morning because feet tend to spread during the day.
• Women should not wear a shoe with heels higher than 2-1/4 inches.
A difficult weekend but managed to get through it okay, really needing to work on my routine as I don't seem to go out anymore although a lot of that is due to the lack of funds which is an issue I've already been trying to come to terms with myself. Missed the railway club open day as I really wasn't in the mood to go out and join in for once but there is another one before Christmas so will aim to attend that. Have also recently found that my Sister is looking to sell some of her trains of my late fathers and I don't have the money to buy them off her, not a problem her selling them, it's none of my business what she does with her possessions, I think it's just that I would have liked to have been in the position to acquire them for myself but never mind I'll have to get over that.
It's Halloween weekend and so far no trick or treat'ers been knocking on our door though that might change on Monday night I guess, as it turned out it passed off reasonably well and wasn't too bad after all. Was also my friend's son Oscar's 13th Birthday so the mischievous man is a teenager what's that going to be like.
I did keep fairly busy Have been busy though followed the football on Saturday which could have been better since my side (AFC Wimbledon) lost in the last moments 3-2 to a good Bradford City side. That aside we are playing well and should continue to be competitive in this league, it's the FA Cup next weekend and a good cup run would be welcome too.
Sunday was good, a day at Wembley watching the NFL game between Washington Redskins and Cincinnati Bengals, that game lasted over four hours and went to overtime with the result a 27-27 draw. Easily the most entertaining game of the three international series played over here in the UK and will look forward to next seasons fixtures.
The rest of the week itself was fairly quiet, I need to focus on things like weight loss again and getting back to using weights at home, had a nice exchange of messages with a friend on Monday that helped us through the day, she's a sweetie but will never be more than a good friend. Will aim to call over next week sometime and say hi to her and the boys, though it does continue to remind me that I am very alone and have never really held down a partnership with anyone. Is it too late for someone my age, maybe, although it's not the age that is the issue really, it's the mess you have made for yourself with your poor health and finances, and it's these that MUST be addressed not just now but for the next year or so.
Next time we'll update with the monthly stats for my weight, but I think I already know there isn't any improvement this month as recent depressive periods often leads to lack of motivation and also to comfort eating too. We will see how we can carry on though till the end of the year. [Soon be writing Christmas cards out I guess lol].
