Busy weekend to start, the new season fixtures came out so been looking to find some games to attend for the early few months if I can. We also have great news that the move to the new stadium on Plough Lane will not be objected by the English Heritage and demolition of the old site can hopefully begin soon. Looking forward to a great season for the Dons though the summer will feel like a long one with not much going on until the first Home friendly against Premier League Watford FC on July 15th the opening home league game is not until August 12th against Shrewsbury Town.
So I had mentioned last time that I missed a good gathering of friends due to my own issues, at least I did get out at the end of last week to meet up with Mark Chiddington and a few others too. Mark is only over for a short time attending his older brothers wedding all the way from Australia.
He was looking really well, it was an enjoyable evening and emotional as well but I did get out there and I know my friends do care, I do still dislike myself for making them worry. Special thanks to Sam for the lift home too and for the shoulder to cry on, sorry for being so soft.
Another busy week of work though, we doing releases in the evenings for a few days and once that is done I aim to ask for at least a day off to compensate, though it's not as though I can do much with it right now, but all the same I need to have my breaks and find something to do with them. Hopefully am in a better frame of mind this weekend and see if you can go see Julia, Annie and Paul on Saturday or defer to next weekend?
Small steps mate, keep trying, it's not easy but you can do this ... you have to do this.
Difficult week, been working over the weekend too with releases and migrations onto new servers taking place during the evenings on Sat/Sun. I don't seem to find the words to explain how I feel, although I found this on a support page and it sums up things rather well. The difficulty being that there's a big BBQ bash on Saturday down at a friends house and I've no way of going nor does my anxiety allow me to contemplate attending it.
So of course I didn't go, which is a big shame as Mark Chiddington is over with his family from Australia and yet still I can't find the strength to go. Though I really hope they are having a great time in the sun and the BBQ host is keeping everyone well fed and watered. Am praying there are loads of photo's later too but for me it's just a bit more work, feeling too hot and trying to plan something nice for next week.
Sunday was of course Fathers Day, another day remembering my later Father, though I don't stop remembering and every day he's on my mind. Maybe that's the reason I am so messed up, I cannot let go or move on it's just a slow march to the end of my life whenever that might be.
This week has also been Royal Ascot and although busy at work will find the time to watch as many of the bigger races as possible. Looking to have Thursday and Friday off though and will watch the meeting and all the pomp on the TV. It's so warm this week that I can't see myself getting out very far.
Try your best to enjoy the week, the heat might mean less sleep than usual (didn't think that would be possible) and use the days off wisely this time.
Approaching the half way point of the year, can't say the first half has been that great, so we need to make better efforts to see that the latter half of the year is much better.
Been thinking of my Mum who passed this month so many years ago now, doesn't get any easier as I get older.
Visiting the crematorium for Mum, she passed on 11 June 1981, always in my thoughts now and reunited with Dad. xx
At least last week was ok at work and I got through that well enough with plenty done and products going live. Hoping that this week goes much the same way and then its another week to go before paid again, as usual I am surviving on no money. Royal Ascot appears on the horizon next week and will be busy blogging that.
So Saturday begins as a difficult day knowing that I really should have been making my way to Stratford for tonight's concert by Depeche Mode. I'm sure it will be awesome and really hope that Sam, Nick and others go and have a wonderful time. Clearly with all my self inflicted issues I cannot even make time to have fun anymore. Life really sucks but it's only myself causing this.
And then you wake in the early hours to find another attack on our capital, the third murderous event in last few months just when people in Manchester are ready for their big concert of support for their city. RIP to those we have lost (not the scum morons that did this) and for all those injured and their families you are not alone, we all support you we stand together and will never EVER be defeated by these cowards and losers.
The are not gone because they are not forgotten.
Moving on to get through the next couple of weeks, we just surviving at the moment. This Saturday (tomorrow) is an open day at the Railway Club but another occasion I don't think I will attend. Still these things are there and I can pick and choose when to go, it's not as so they need me now it's really thriving it seems. Good.
The past week have kept busy at work and that's good to help time pass by and am now busy planning days off that are coming up in June and I also have a long break in early September to arrange. Trips to either York or Isle of Wight are in the pipeline, both would be excellent to chill out, I have yet to make a final choice.
Generally time to think of others too, Sunday 11th being the anniversary of my mother passing back in 1981. So instead of continually feeling sorry for myself I will aim to remember others, think of friends and send them all my love.
Now enjoying a Bank Holiday weekend having already had Thursday and Friday off too. Relaxing at home, it's very hot and struggling to travel too far (since I don't drive now) but have been in the gardens and venture down to the riverside at Hampton Court for a little while which was nice. There is a BBQ / Party happening in a few weeks but I am in no fit state to attend and I fear this is the cycle of destruction that I am on now. No way out.
Hope my older brother Graham has a great birthday on Sunday and although it's not been the best year for meeting up as I have managed to fail to make it to Cheltenham and Sandown recently as well as having a bad day at Ascot. I know that's all horse racing connections but they really serve as a means to gather together.
There is nothing else planned now for the rest of the year with us. However next weekend I was supposed to attend a Depeche Mode concert at the West Ham stadium and will not be going to that either,
After that in just a few weeks time an old and dear school friend Mark is over visiting family from Australia and there is a BBQ and event being thrown for him which will be attended by many old friends and yet I will pass on this as I just cant manage things at all now.
Finally a huge well done to Arsenal on winning a cracking FA Cup Final 2-1 against league champions Chelsea. Now a period of couple of months without any meaningful football. Waiting for the fixtures to come out for next season (21st June) so I can try and pick some AFC Wimbledon matches to attend. The friendlies are being announced already and once we get into June properly the merry go round of players will be well underway.
Have a great time with Chid guys
and here's to a better June!
So I had mentioned last time that I missed a good gathering of friends due to my own issues, at least I did get out at the end of last week to meet up with Mark Chiddington and a few others too. Mark is only over for a short time attending his older brothers wedding all the way from Australia. 
