WEEK FIFTY TWO ... THE END SO GOODBYE 2016

So that's the year nearly done, and what a mixed year it has been. With a whole host of surprises around such as the Brexit Referendum result, President Elect Donald Trump, Leicester winning the Premier League and the loss of so many great stars throughout the last 12 months it's hard to sit here and write about how up and down my own year has been. 

However we are still here and that's something, still in the same job, still not very happy with life but made some changes at the start that have overall been working for me with regards to losing weight (down about 2-3 stone this year) plus trying to do more to feel better and do more. That part of the plan hasn't always gone well although we in a better place now and already making plans for 2017. 

Just want to wish you all well, not that anyone is really looking in as this is meant to be a private blog but if you are lurking, don't be shy, say hello, and above all else make the final week of the year as good as you possibly can. Then aim to create some goals for 2017 where you can seek to improve your life, be healthier and happier as a result. 

Go for it...

Life is only as good as YOU make it ! 

WEEK FIFTY ONE 17/12 -- 23/12

Began the week before Christmas with a day off and a trip up to London to visit the Science Museum. Was great to get out and also meet up with an old work colleague Steve for a chat and a few beers too. Alas the Museum part was not all that I had expected it to be, things have changed since I went as a school kid obviously but it's more computer terminals and static exhibits rather than telling a story of things like the Industrial Revolution and the birth of Railways and Aviation. Even the parts devoted to space exploration didn't see all that interesting and it didn't take us half as long to finish there than it did going around the Natural History Museum. 

But overall it was a good start to the week to have got out and I also still have a couple of quid left to enjoy the weekend given I'm not paid till nearer Xmas. Speaking of Xmas it'll soon be here, and all cards posted, received a few and have a couple of gifts purchased. Can complete that on Wednesday in Kingston and the only person I haven't got anything in for is myself, usually pick up something nice for me as I won't get receiving anything from anyone as usual, even Santa has forgotten me now. 

Strictly finished on Saturday. Would have been nice to see Julia but probably not in a good place. Well done to Ore winning the show, although the one thing that will always stick in my mind will be Ed Balls performing Gangnam Style.

Sunday 18th December 
An annual service of Remembrance which is hosted by Lodge Bros and conducted at St Lawrence's Church on Sunday at 3pm. This is a service I have been attending since the passing of my step mother Christine and my father Geoffrey Tyler. It's very moving, emotional and 'enjoyable' for want of a better word. 

The week continued with another day off on Monday, where I took the opportunity to go to the Hanworth Crematorium to have a sit and 'chat' with the parents. Not been for a few months and the weather hasn't helped recently but I still come more often than ever before and it's very peaceful place to sit and think things over. I still have plenty to think about too. 

Thursday was out for a brief Xmas drink with some work colleagues, and then the working year is virtually over for us all and it's an opportunity to spend some quality time making plans for the rest of the year plus the new year ahead.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO. 

WEEK FIFTY 10/12 -- 16/12

Wow I made it to week fifty and the year is nearly at an end, when I started this blog I was never sure that I would be able to keep it going regularly to complete the year, and here I am. The year have been difficult, although I am achieving some good results with my weight and health, there are many things that failed this year that can be put right in 2017. 

Not the best of starts to this week, with the "grudge" football match against the scum franchise experiment who sadly won a very poor contest 1-0 with a soft penalty. Still one game does not define our season and we are still well above them in the league. 

We move onward and upwards together as there are bigger targets and goals for this season. 

That aside the rest of the weekend was ok, have written and posted out all my cards for Christmas and received a few too which was nice, only have one person to find a nice gift for and that's my landlady but that should be fine too I still have a few weeks and some ideas. Usually get something for myself but not this year, I don't actually need anything other than the usual supplies of shaving gear, socks and all that lol. 

It's another short working week too, on Friday I have the day off and the plan is currently to meet up with an old work colleague in London and then visit the Science Museum in South Kensington. We have met up a few times in the year for a beer and did something very similar last year going to the Natural History Museum which did take all day to get around. Having not been to either museum since my childhood days it will be a joy to tick both of these off my "to do" list and end the year productively. 




Set work/home boundaries.
It’s important to try to leave work behind when your working day has ended. 

• Use an answering machine, voicemail or caller ID to screen your calls. 
• Turn off your mobile phone.
• Prioritise enjoying your own free time.
• Give yourself a few minutes to “switch gears” when you get home. 
• Change your clothes, eat a snack or do something else that marks the end of the working day and the beginning of the rest of your day before you jump into your home routine.
• Plan activities at home or with friends and family that will add balance to your day.

WEEK FORTY NINE 03/12 -- 09/12

Welcome to December, the tree and decorations going up at work as well as at home and although I do not find this the easiest time of the year I can at least say I have tried during a difficult last week to be cheerful and smile more. Wasn't too bad. Now onto this week and we had a couple of days off to attend the Doctor once more, more tablets but we are still losing weight and that has to be good. The other day off was just to relax and visit crematorium and start writing cards out for Christmas, something I do a lot despite my aversion to celebration of the season.

Saturday just relaxed at home, did my chores, watched some horse racing and covered the football. It's the FA Cup this weekend and my side AFC Wimbledon will be playing live on BT Sport on Sunday lunchtime. What a match that turned out to be, went through a wide range of emotions during a remarkable 4-3 win against Curzon Ashton having been 3-0 down with only 10 minutes left and a massive shock on the cards, we turned it around to pull off a famous (face saving) victory.

Have also planned a day out in a couple of weeks with an old ex work colleague Steve and probably nipping up to the Science Museum in London plus a spot of lunch and a few beers. 


























Have a good week, it'll soon be over...

WEEK FORTY EIGHT 26/11 -- 02/12

Moving into the final month of the year and while I have seen some improvement personally the way things are now ending do make me feel rather sad. Have never been a big fan of winter, Christmas and all that goes on, though I'll send cards, wish everyone well and enjoy the carol services at this time of year it's always one I dread. Can recall last year how I felt just as bad with a plan to make this year so much better, I'm not really that sure I have achieved that goal as 2016 closes and 2017 comes into view on the horizon I know I have similar feelings. 

However, small victories has been the keyword for the year and we managed to survive the weekend! Though knowing that the coming three weeks are going to be tough, at least I did send my first set of Christmas cards out the Australia for my Sister, Niece and family over there. Will organise and send the rest out to friends in the next few weeks but that's all I really plan to do for this year. A Xmas gift for my landlady is the only outstanding item I really need to find and then it's wait till nearer the holiday weekend itself to get in some booze and food for me. I have the whole week off between Christmas and New Year so it's going to be hard to find enough to do to occupy myself, I do hope there are some decent films on for a change. There is a lot to be said for Hibernation and I think the bears have got that correct. 

Next week my team are on TV in the FA Cup, and will be off for couple of days so will need to find something to do and cheer up. Will be hard but I can do things, we will see how that goes next week, for now this week is just a case of survive and learn.

Another month passes we look at how well our weight loss has been now, still seems to be going ok as I've just purchased another pair of new jeans as the old ones were way too loose. Down to a 44R waist for jeans when we last pair were a very loose fitting size 50R waist, so that's a really nice result, and bought myself a new shirt too for going out which was also a size down from the past ... not that I go out much these days sadly. 

Opening Weight at 1st Jan 2016 -- 23st 6lb 
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 22
Chest -- 54
Stomach -- 57
Waist -- 48
Thighs -- 27
Biceps -- 14

Revised Weight now as at 2nd December 2016 -- 21st 2lb
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 20
Chest -- 51
Stomach -- 50
Waist -- 44
Thighs -- 24
Biceps -- 17

Happy enough with these stats this year, while I haven't lost as much as I would have liked it's been a rough year and at least keeping it down is a small ray of sunshine while the rest of my life remains fairly dark still.

WEEK FORTY SEVEN 19/11 -- 25/11

The dark nights are with us now and certainly the days are not much brighter either, the start of this week should have been a fun Saturday out, managing to get by with no money but had drinks, chocs and enough to get over to spend an evening with a really good friend of mine. So what can go wrong, well to begin with it was a really cold and wet journey there, and I arrive to find she's got a cold too. After getting there I find they are already half cut on red wine (which is fine, it's Saturday evening and her gaff - her rules) but another guest is also in place so basically means no chance to have a good talk and catch up properly as usual. 

Tried to help her sort out a "what can I wear" dress dilemma for next weekend (she's off to some posh do) and don't think I was being a lot of help even though I was being honest. There were other things too that wound me up a bit, it was ok, though I still found myself upset and leaving in the rain to go home feeling so much worse than any time before. 

When I needed a friend and someone to talk to they simply are not there any more, beginning to think that I have to cut them free, forget about others and just move on alone. I know I brought this on myself now and the depression is so hard to shake off, I would be better off dead, there is not a single person out there that I feel would miss me if I was not here anymore, friends, family, people I care about I really believe no one actually cares about me. Don't want pity (I have plenty of that for myself) just wanted to be useful to someone and feel some sort of love back, not physical, just something that I can cling onto. 

Already overspent £100+ more than I have so next month is really going to be rough, paid Monday and once bills are sorted that's it I think. No Christmas for me, I have some cards will post them but no parties, no presents, no friends. What's the point eh? Time to turn to some other form of help, whether that is professional help or just a forum to pour out my feelings. 

So onward into the week ahead, get some decent food in and start making what best plans you can for the next month. I do at least have cards ready for birthdays and Christmas to write and send, if I get the ones needed for Australia out first that will be a start. I just do not feel in the mood for festivities, shopping, presents and all that. Not only that but the fact it is freezing cold here does not exactly help matters. 

Get professional help if problems persist. 
If you are facing a problem you can’t solve on your own, discuss this with a professional.

• If you have concerns about your child, talk to the school welfare officer or your child’s doctor.
• If you are caring for a grandchild or an older relative, contact a support group or even an online community such as LifeWorks.
• If you could use help with a gambling problem, a shopping addiction, a relationship problem or another personal concern, talk to your doctor, a therapist or an online resource.

WEEK FORTY SIX 12/11 -- 18/11

Began the week in the pouring rain but hopefully that will pass and the rest of the middle of November will just be cold .... the big coat is out now and the gloves too. 

Didn't see my wonderful friend last Friday and will aim to make up for that this week as it's always lovely to see her although sometimes it's hard as we don't get any quality time together. There's nothing happening with us, she (and I'm not naming here for good reason) is very dear to me and has been for a long time, it's not going to develop into anything else and I do know that it's also unlikely that they feel the same as I do. However I worry about them, would love to be more helpful as that is the person I try to be. Shall make more of an effort this week I was not in a good place last week and bailed out. 

Sunday was a peaceful day, watched all the remembrance service from the Cenotaph and pleased that the weather brightened up for them all too. At home just got my things together and a plan for the week, struggling with money as always but will be paid next Monday and beginning to sort out things for Christmas without really going overboard. 

Had blood test results back too, was 10.8 last time it was taken we've lowered 10% to 9.6 and that's really before the new medication has had a chance to take any effect so we will have to try more over the coming three months and take the next test with the aim to get it nearer a mark of 7. Next appointment with the nurses is December 5th and that's ok as I have couple of days off then. Also making plans to see few people then, Steve, Leslie and Trevor perhaps would be really good. 

Survived the week with no money, and yet I still covered children birthdays and got in some Christmas and Birthday cards for next month, we can get by fine and see out the year, but next year MUST change, and we have to start off in the right way. 

WEEK FORTY FIVE 05/11 -- 11/11 Remembrance Week

Bonfire night comes and goes, actually not as bad as I had expected having been kept awake for the past two weeks with explosions going off up to 3am. We get through that and are still struggling with lack of money as well as lack of sleep. Onwards and upwards though as it is November now and we nearly through another year, lets try and make some goals for the last 6 weeks and make it into 2017 in better shape. 

This week we remember the sacrifice of those generations past that allow us to live our lives now. Not the materialistic world that will rear it's ugly head later in the coming weeks with "black" Friday and Christmas but the dedication of our brave men and women who gave their lives in service to our country during our darkest hours. We should never forget, and we should educate the young generation more and more so that they never forget either. Some don't even know what this service is all about and that's just sad. 

FA Cup football was important at the beginning of this week too and AFC Wimbledon came back from being 2-0 down at half time to draw 2-2 against Bury, so a replay will be required to see if we can continue to round two. The draw for the next round took place on Monday evening and should we progress then it will be an away tie against either Westfields or Curzon Ashton both non league opposition and if Westfields make it through as the lowest ranked team still in the competition it might make us a possible TV game.

Went to Hospital earlier in the week too and got some more blood tests done which will hopefully be available on Friday, and also on some further medication which I pray will be of some help. Next job is to get some glasses as my eyesight is slowly deteriorating now. 


Be good to your feet. 

With each step, the foot strikes the ground with up to three times our body weight. That’s a lot for our feet to put up with, especially if they’re not properly supported. Here are some tips to prevent foot problems:
• Have your feet measured every so often. Your foot size can increase with age.
• Don’t buy shoes first thing in the morning because feet tend to spread during the day.
• Women should not wear a shoe with heels higher than 2-1/4 inches.

WEEK FORTY FOUR 29/10 -- 04/11

A difficult weekend but managed to get through it okay, really needing to work on my routine as I don't seem to go out anymore although a lot of that is due to the lack of funds which is an issue I've already been trying to come to terms with myself. Missed the railway club open day as I really wasn't in the mood to go out and join in for once but there is another one before Christmas so will aim to attend that. Have also recently found that my Sister is looking to sell some of her trains of my late fathers and I don't have the money to buy them off her, not a problem her selling them, it's none of my business what she does with her possessions, I think it's just that I would have liked to have been in the position to acquire them for myself but never mind I'll have to get over that. 

It's Halloween weekend and so far no trick or treat'ers been knocking on our door though that might change on Monday night I guess, as it turned out it passed off reasonably well and wasn't too bad after all. Was also my friend's son Oscar's 13th Birthday so the mischievous man is a teenager what's that going to be like. 

I did keep fairly busy Have been busy though followed the football on Saturday which could have been better since my side (AFC Wimbledon) lost in the last moments 3-2 to a good Bradford City side. That aside we are playing well and should continue to be competitive in this league, it's the FA Cup next weekend and a good cup run would be welcome too.  

Sunday was good, a day at Wembley watching the NFL game between Washington Redskins and Cincinnati Bengals, that game lasted over four hours and went to overtime with the result a 27-27 draw. Easily the most entertaining game of the three international series played over here in the UK and will look forward to next seasons fixtures. 

The rest of the week itself was fairly quiet, I need to focus on things like weight loss again and getting back to using weights at home, had a nice exchange of messages with a friend on Monday that helped us through the day, she's a sweetie but will never be more than a good friend. Will aim to call over next week sometime and say hi to her and the boys, though it does continue to remind me that I am very alone and have never really held down a partnership with anyone. Is it too late for someone my age, maybe, although it's not the age that is the issue really, it's the mess you have made for yourself with your poor health and finances, and it's these that MUST be addressed not just now but for the next year or so. 

Next time we'll update with the monthly stats for my weight, but I think I already know there isn't any improvement this month as recent depressive periods often leads to lack of motivation and also to comfort eating too. We will see how we can carry on though till the end of the year. [Soon be writing Christmas cards out I guess lol].

WEEK FORTY THREE 22/10 -- 28/10

Having been paid now for this month I have at least survived another month and almost another year. These next few weeks are going to the tricky though, will I at least have some funds to get by each day and will be planning on getting by without needing anything else. Well fat chance of that mate cos in a few days you buggered that all up badly. Now you screwed for next month too and with Xmas closing in I doubt you even going to be able to afford to send cards let alone get presents or anyone. At the moment I have a couple of birthdays coming up and as always I try to send my friends children a nice card, message and a little money even though I have none left for me. It is almost my only redeeming feature that I do this.

The weekend has plenty of sporting events to follow, AFC Wimbledon will be away to Peterborough on Saturday seeking to continue their recent good run of form, which they did although the 1-0 away win was not indicative of the dominance by Wimbledon who now find themselves in the play off places. On Sunday the NFL are back in town only this time it's at Twickenham Stadium where the New York Giants take on the Los Angeles Rams at the home of Rugby.

Still got this cold and cough and its another thing that's pissing me off, a slightly shorter week for me as I am off work Friday, if only I could remember what I booked the day off for but I think it's just going to be a lazy day, a visit to the Crematorium and probably just some food shopping in for the weekend. It would have been (step mum) Christine's birthday on Wednesday and I think Pam would have wanted to do something but I am in no state to do so sadly, I hope she manages something though. 


Anticipate and avoid overload.

Plan ahead to avoid “commitment collision.” As you decide what you can and can’t take on, think ahead to everything that you’ll be responsible for.
• If you’re in charge of the school fundraising event, don’t schedule a visit from your parents at the same time. Plan another time for a visit.
• Revisit your schedule regularly. Think ahead about your long-term schedule to make sure commitments aren’t on a collision course.
• Don’t wait until you’re in crisis mode to look for help.
• Learn to say “no” when you can’t honour a request and find realistic solutions that work for everyone.

WEEK FORTY TWO 15/10 -- 21/10

Difficult week this one, as I have to get through with only about £20 till I'm paid end of the month. And it doesn't stop there as next month I will have hardly any more for myself once I pay my bills and send birthday cards out. Maybe that's not a bad thing as I only waste it anyway but the ongoing financial problems are with me for a while yet. 

Despite no money I agreed to a date for next year and now have tickets for a Depeche Mode concert in June 2017, thanks to Nick Beard for that one now I just have to find him some money. Will be good to go though as not been to a decent concert since AC-DC probably four or five years ago. 

Something to look ahead too, and although 2016 still has a few months to go I am trying to plan out some things for next year. Oh and it's Christmas too soon which I really hate. Bah Humbug. That aside got some days off to use up and plan to get out and about if I can, there are still plenty of places to go and see and most of them are free, Science Museum, Crystal Palace park to name but two.











Monday enjoyed a day off work ill, having stinking cold all weekend was no fun and all I can say is that I could do with some sleep. Did manage to watch some of the Olympic / Paralympic parade and interviews which shows what an amazing country we are.

Admire and enjoy something beautiful.

The simple act of pausing in your hectic day and looking at something beautiful can improve your outlook and make you feel good.
• Put a picture of someone you love in your work area.
• Take a moment to watch the sunset.
• Put a vase of flowers in your work area.
• Hang a favourite print or painting where you’ll enjoy it each day.
• If you have a holiday break planned or recently been away place a photo of that to remind you.

WEEK FORTY ONE 08/10 -- 14/10

Such a relief to be able to write about a MUCH better week for me than I've experienced in recent episodes. 

Had an enjoyable evening on Friday night with the lovely Sarah, watching a Jason Statham movie (her choice) with a couple of drinks and a Chinese. Managed to reach a level of peace in myself which was welcome after a difficult week as well as being able to enjoy being very chilled out with her that it reminds me how important I should go out and see my friends more often when I can. We've even put a date in the diary for one of my days off next month and that should help me through the next few weeks. 

Moved onto Saturday, just a bit of shopping and some drinks to take around to another night out with friends, this time visiting Julia, Paul and young Annie. Strictly Come Dancing night on Saturday and after the opening huge Boo !! for Anastasia the rest of the dancers were a lot of fun especially Judge Rinder (above) who continues to surprise me and is also 'as camp as a row of tents' but it's the politician Ed Balls (who did a passable Jim Carey) who is taking this contest by storm despite getting the lowest score once again. 

His routine while dressed as The Mask was full of fine, and in time, yes he's big and bit clumsy but it's entertainment and so much more enjoyable than the dull, boring, one dimensional X-factor. Well done BBC. 

So really enjoyed my weekend and it just got better and better on Sunday with the live Sky League One game between Oxford United and AFC Wimbledon. Now in our current incarnation we've never beaten Oxford [L10, D2] so beating them on TV 3-1 was a sweat victory. Superb result taking us up to 10th in the league and above the MK Franchise scum. Justice. 

The rest of week was simply work and trying to keep busy, did plenty of weights at home too which was good, I am also sleeping better which was a pleasant surprise given the bad moods I've put myself in of late. Next step was to book up some days off for the rest of this year. Plan something for Friday 28th and also the days off for Nov 7th /8th. I've a routine GP / Nurse appointment on the Monday 7th and will find somewhere to go out for the rest of the day. Then all things being well I have Tuesday off to spend the day with my friend Sarah again. Although there's nothing actually going on between us, she's a really wonderful girl and enjoyable company it's a shame (for me anyway) that we don't see as much of one another. We'll aim to do some Xmas shopping probably though I've no money but we'll see what we can do. 

All in all a really good week.

WEEK FORTY 01/10 -- 07/10

New week, New month, yet same old issues exist. No money, losing it hand over fist and almost resorted to one of those extortionate loans with 1000% APR. Thankfully I saw sense and didn't complete it but I know I was close to it. Lucky I finally saw some sense and light so pulled back as no thanks that would not be a good way ahead at all. 

October, raining, fed up, unhappy, and looking at ways to end it. If only I had £5000 I could at least make enquiries at Dignitas as a trip to Switzerland (one way) wouldn't be so bad, but I can't even manage that can I. 

Planned a lads night out for Friday (7th) but won't be able to go although if possible I will be visiting another friend in Egham who I have avoided for a few weeks over the summer, that is usually a good night even though I feel much more for them than they will ever feel for me and perhaps I am making myself worse where unrequited love is concerned. Been down that path so many times and it's never turned out very well for me. 

Get support if you are a caregiver.

Caring for an older or dependent relative or loved one
is emotionally and physically exhausting. That’s why
it’s important to seek support for yourself.

• Remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Ask for
help from family and friends.

• Get help from a support group. Support groups are a
place to share stories, feelings and information with
others who are going through what you’re going
through. Talk to your doctor, or search the net to find a
support group in your local community.

• Talk about how you are feeling with the people you
love. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re
feeling. Let others offer comfort and be there for you.

--------------------------------------

And now as the previous month has again passed we have a chance to look again at the years targets and our statistics. Into the fourth quarter now and progress has slowed, not to be too down heartened as the main achievement was to keep it up through the year and I'm managing to keep the weight off so far. Still aiming to lose a bit more by year end and continue with that progress into 2017;

Opening Weight at 1st Jan -- 23st 6lb 
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 22
Chest -- 54
Stomach -- 57
Waist -- 48
Thighs -- 27
Biceps -- 14

Revised Weight now as at 7th October -- 21st 0lb
Measurements (inches)
Neck -- 20
Chest -- 52
Stomach -- 53
Waist -- 44.5
Thighs -- 25
Biceps -- 17

Small progress, can still do so much better between now and the end of the year, but what I have lost is staying off and that's a plus at a time when I am probably at my weakest level. If I can make it to the end of the year then I'll consider that a victory.

WEEK THIRTY NINE 24/09 -- 30/09

Well this is becoming a habit now and I am quite scared to be honest of the way things are turning dark for me. Week has not begun well with no money once more for the month ahead. Spent the last few days off work and was supposed to have gone to York but I spend it sat at home in tears and absolutely no one to turn to. 

These are the days when I think about going to Beachy Head or somewhere and take that final leap. 





Not even been able to see friends, its scares me to go out and I honestly don't want to bother others since I know they have their own issues which are much more than mine. Mine are self imposed, there is no way out for me I know that now, it's just a question of time. 

Only the feeling that I would be letting the family down is keeping me going, there isn't very much else really, and no amount of beating myself up and self harming is going to fix things in a hurry. So what can I do? 

Had Monday and Tuesday off, and instead of being in York I just went to the Crematorium to sit and think, I go here regularly enough over the years and it's nice and peaceful, yet still can't move on as such. At least got out of the house and did find the will power to go meet an old friend Mark in Egham so that was something positive and a really good catch up.

Boost your energy.

Exercise and a proper diet are the best energy
boosters.

• Never skip breakfast. A good balanced breakfast
boosts your energy all morning long.

• Get exercise. Being active is the best way to boost
and maintain energy.

• Limit how much alcohol you drink. It depletes
your energy.

• Avoid overeating. Big meals leave you feeling sluggish.


• Have light snacks throughout the day. 
Frequent small meals and snacks help you maintain a constant energy supply. 

Choose healthy foods that give you energy, such as fruits, nuts and yoghurt. Avoid sweets, crisps and other foods that are low in nutrients and high in calories.