2018 DIARY WEEK FIFTY TWO 24/12 -- 31/12 [AND THAT'S ANOTHER YEAR DONE]

Christmas week and the last diary for this year, had to go into work on the Monday but surprisingly the trains were ok and although only a few people were in I managed to get away by 1pm and head home. Picked up a few bits for dinner and lunch and sit down and rest. Was full of cold and flu so have been trying to keep that at bay before Christmas Day itself. Tuesday was of course Christmas Day and though as rough as can be I get a call from Sam and Kevin who insist I come over to theirs for dinner. That was so unexpected and wonderful I had a good day and can hopefully sleep better later on which I did to some extent and that was nice. 

Boxing Day was just a nice day to rest and relax enjoy a bath and then settle down to the afternoon of Horse Racing at Kempton Park as well as all the football action. Won a little bit of money there which was nice, but not as nice as another win for Wimbledon who came from one down to win two-one against fellow strugglers Plymouth Argyle and move off the bottom of the League One table, the next game is Blackpool at the weekend. 

Rest of the week fairly quiet, just about surviving money wise and maybe the new year can be a little easier for us. 

I am not doing that well as the year ends. Somehow I need to change for the new year, and if I am to get out in April then I need some luck and help. 


Until then I wish everyone a happy new year and may life treat you a lot better than it's doing for me. x

2018 DIARY WEEK FIFTY ONE 17/12 -- 23/12

MONDAY, last full week of work this year, in the office and feeling bit fed up with my life having seen Pam on Sunday at the remembrance service and thinking I need to do more. Have also heard from Steve an old work colleague and friend and all being well we shall arrange to meet up during the week I am off. Monday evening didn't end too well though with some work issues, but will have to try and sleep on that and see how we go on TUESDAY. Thankfully we have fixed a big issue for now so can move into the Christmas and New Year period with a little more ease off my mind and then we will come to terms with what needs fixing in January. Few more days in the office then we have what we need for the days off (except for money of course). 

WEDNESDAY - busy day, feel a bit down, but did have a nice surprise message from Sonia, who I used to work with. Met up for a quick coffee and chat, she looks really well and happy and I think that really cheered me up too. Hopefully will see her again, Sonia is a lovely friend and I am very pleased for her, and also miss her. Evening home and at least they have made a start on the boiler replacement but still no hot water so another day of boiling the kettle. THURSDAY - Legs are sore after yesterday's fire alarm (18 stories, 36 flights of stairs later) just about making it through to next week now. FRIDAY - Last day at work for many (not me though) and just keep head down and busy. Surprised that we were paid today a little early and very useful, so can pick up some bits later. Meeting up with Lee, Mark and Jason in Twickenham too which will be easier now that I can afford to get a drink in. Had a good night out nice one I slept soundly for a change. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FIFTY 10/12 -- 16/12

Another Monday off to begin the week, wrote the last few Christmas cards that I needed to post out and then planned what I needed to write for local delivery. At least I am on top of that. Popped out and got some shopping, just need something for me for the day itself but I can sort that out next week sometime. Maybe some beers and wine too will be nice I can get that later perhaps. At least have got last few bits for Mrs Hughes and then last few cards to post out.

Gave a couple of model trains a test run, that was nice, I really want to get some sort of test track set up to give more a decent run around, might get myself a few more bits for Christmas but we will see ideally money is needed elsewhere right now. Rest of the week just try and get through, Lee and Mark have asked us out on Friday week in Twickenham and I'd love to go though have NO money for this? 

Beginning to feel the cold, we've no heating and hot water so it's been a bit tricky. Hopefully that can be fixed soon before Christmas as it's becoming a bit of a chore now. Going out on Sunday for a remembrance service at St Lawrence's Church, see Pamela and then that's all for this week, not a lot happening.

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY NINE 03/12 -- 09/12

Starting this week by using up my leave and off on Monday and Tuesday. Cold and wet here due to the lack of heating and hot water but had a lay in then popped out to town. Picked up more cards for birthdays and Christmas then a few bits of shopping and back home. Chilled afternoon updating blogs and watching the snooker on TV. All being well can pop out on Tuesday somewhere, but I didn't and feeling low sat at home, it still needs to change yet I don't seem to have it in me to change much. 

FA CUP 3rd ROUND DRAW tonight and AFC Wimbledon draw fellow League One side Fleetwood Town and that's an uninspiring tie for January but a chance to progress into round four. The Dons finally announced their new manager Wally Downes so we'll see if he can provide the magic spark to move us out of the bottom four in the coming months.  

Work have their Xmas do on Friday and can't be bothered to attend, have been busy and trying to just crack on at work. Beginning to get a few bits in for Xmas and then it's the task of writing and sending cards over the weekend. Once it's done it's done and maybe I can work on next year instead. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY EIGHT 26/11 -- 02/12

Start a new week, begin with a day off on Monday. Plan is to go to Richmond and pick up another Christmas gift for Mrs Hughes then we nearly done, also need to start on cards with birthdays coming up thick and fast as well as Christmas cards to post out to Australia. 

After a trip into Richmond will carry on my day off up into London and meet with old bosses and team for a spot of lunch near Waterloo at a pub called the Mulberry Bush. A nice little boozer near to the office, and would have been great to have a nice catch up with Ken, Cathy and Jenny too. Alas there was no show from Ken and Cathy, Ken had to deal with a break in at his Aunts which is understandable, and Cathy has had a set back with her horse who is in Liphook having an operation on his hind legs so neither able to make it today. Shame, maybe we will do something nearer Christmas or in the new year. 

Got home in the afternoon and feel shattered, also lost money, will need to sort something out next week to get me through and not even sure that I can do much in December and January at this rate, it's a big mess once again. Got a little bit back again on Tuesday and will need to leave it at that for the moment. Look ahead want to plan something for Monday and Tuesday of next week when I have some more time off .... however get home Tuesday evening this week to find no heating or hot water, so next few days will be a bit inconvenient, hopefully it can be fixed soon. 

Wimbledon played on Tuesday night and lost 1-0 to Peterborough, the next game is on Saturday lunchtime against FC Halifax in the FA Cup second round which we managed to win 3-1 to reach the 3rd round draw on Monday though we are still waiting to hear who the new manager is although rumour appears to suggest that Wally Downes is about to be announced. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY SEVEN 19/11 -- 25/11

Get through this week, no Liz at work so quiet, but will manage as best we can. Monday started off badly with chaos on South Western Railway meaning I had to detour into Blackfriars via Hatton Cross on the underground. Got in distressed by 9am and the journey back again doesn't look too great at the moment either although I did managed to get home at a reasonable time in the end. Quick chat with Cathy though, she has the vet round for her pony and will probably chat more on Tuesday during Holby City (8pm) depending on whether Jaq survives or not. 

Yeah Jaq lives (for now) and everyone else has mental health issues, lucky them they work in the medical profession. Spoke with Cathy which was nice, I hope that her horse is going to be well next Monday after a trip to the Vet Hospital. At least on Friday we get paid again, so pick up your bits for Xmas (Jean's presents) and send cards out to Australia next week and we've at least made a good start this year. Might order couple of things for me too. They are queued up in Amazon and couple of items in Freemans to buy for me. 

Wimbledon home to Southend United on the weekend looking forwards we are the live Saturday game in the FA Cup against FC Halifax Town and progression there might see a nice 3rd round tie. Still no news on the replacement manager for the Dons though. Neal Ardley has been unveiled as the new Notts County manager and I for one wish him well with that job as they sit at the bottom of League Two. 

Have been paid so will try and have a good weekend, haven't lost it all yet which is good. Need to get some dinners, xmas stuff and begin writing cards ... yes I really hate this time of year. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY SIX 12/11 -- 18/11

Another unexciting week ahead, at least was good to meet up with Fabrizio last Friday not sure there is anything much planned for this week so will need to just keep busy and hopefully the time will pass and we can look ahead to what else we need to do before Christmas looms. 

FA Cup 2nd Round Draw on Monday night and the Dons get another away tie against either Morecambe or FC Halifax. And will have to contend that with a new manager in charge as Neal Ardley departed on Monday after just over six years in charge. Sorry to see him go in the end but it was inevitable with a run of losses in the league, the 1-0 win on Friday wasn't enough and he has been looking really stressed and unwell of late so maybe its the best all round. Good luck in the future Neal you deserve our best wishes for all you did. 

Won and lost some money once again this week, should have been a great result, but didn't last long as usual. Very annoyed although did at least keep a small amount and cleared some short term debt which might help me get to Christmas. Not the best of weeks here, but it's out the way now and we head forwards seeing if we can get better. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY FIVE 05/11 -- 11/11

It's roughly seven weeks till Christmas as I begin this week. I start with a day off on Monday really to use up my holiday but also am beginning to get few things in for December. Needing to send away cards to Susan in Australia and also like to get a head start with important cards and few gifts for the rest of the family. Don't have a lot of money but am getting by, the plan for Monday will be a trip into Kingston, cards the most important thing to pick but first. Also posting out a birthday card for another friends child Gabriel and so we are at least up to date with things this year. Christmas is not my favourite time of year, it's cold, dark and is not for me. I have a few gifts to get Mrs Hughes (landlady) and that will suffice. 


Back in the office from Tuesday, just get through it, need some rest and sleep, not helped by a fire alarm which means the evacuation of the building and we are on the 17th floor so it's a long walk down. Get a bit dizzy and my legs will be sore later but I guess it filled a few minutes that morning. Paying for this on Wednesday as legs are really bad and I am struggling to walk. 

Football on Friday, FA Cup first round and Wimbledon are live on TV (BBC 2 7:55 Ko) with an above average chance of being knocked out in our present form, but fingers crossed. 

Haringey Borough vs AFC Wimbledon. 

We end the week with Remembrance Sunday so naturally a period of silence and contemplation before the start of another week, might help me put a few things into focus.

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY FOUR 29/10 -- 04/11

Another tough week made worse due to poor choices last month. So what can we do, well it's my friend's teenager Oscar 15th birthday this week on Halloween. Do miss Sarah and the boys but I do still send cards and that's about the only nice thing people can say about me I guess. Struggling to cope with the rest of the month ahead though, will soon be needing cards for birthday and Christmas so if I can get a few of these soon that will help a little. I will have ones to send away to Australia so that's the first lot needed, then as long as I have Graham, Pam and Vicki done plus Mrs Hughes that will be it for me this year. 

Work is pooh, nothing new there, said farewell to Niké as she leaves to have a better time at Wiley in Oxford. Good luck girl. We popped for lunch with Jenny and her little one, plus an option might have appeared with a firm Gary Norman works for so will hit him up on LinkedIn and see if there is anything about. 

Quiet weekend again, nothing new there once more. So a short update this week as really haven't much to say and it's generally been a sad time for me. Hope it will improve soon. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY THREE 22/10 -- 28/10

Getting to the end of another month, will be paid this week which will help a little, and have Wednesday off which is necessary because my oyster expires and cannot afford the next one till paid. Didn't do much with that day off other than a lay in, bit of shopping and washing done. Already blown what money I might have had in a poor display on Wednesday afternoon at home. Angry, upset, disappointed I don't know how to feel but clearly nothing is changing and my life can only be heading in one sad direction at this rate. 

AFC Wimbledon play twice this week, Tuesday night against Bristol Rovers which resulted in another 2-0 defeat and plenty of calls for manager Neal Ardley to be sacked. Then on Saturday they are home to Luton Town who are in the top six and expected to win easy. 

There is more NFL action at Wembley too this Sunday afternoon with the final of the UK Series for 2018 as the current Superbowl champions Philadelphia Eagles take on the Jacksonville Jaguars. Live coverage is on BBC from about 1pm so will give us something to amuse myself with on the weekend. Not much else going on for me, will see if I can do something on the weekend, there is an open day at Hillingdon Railway Modellers which would be good to attend but will have to see what mood I am in on Saturday. 

Oh and I must try and remember that the clocks are going back this weekend so that's another hour lay in, which sounds nice but I am usually wide awake at night now so it's another hour of worry for me. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY TWO 15/10 -- 21/10

This is going to be a rough week, nothing really exciting due to happen this week so just get on with it. Aim to get through of it and create plenty of content for the other blogs hopefully will keep us busy enough. Really messing my life up and it's getting worse and worse by the week. So demotivated at work but survived Monday and Tuesday with plenty of meetings and finding things to do. Hopefully Liz is having a good week off though and I just count off the days. 

William has put us in touch with a new recruiter who he has a lot of positive words for so am going to speak with them and see if we can do anything. Hopefully will be able to speak with them on Friday if my phone works this time around. Was a good call as it gave me some feedback and ideas to change the CV and will do that, also need to write some notes about what a QA does, the technical aspects as I know I could do better with that. 

At least survived the week and have a couple of quid for me to see me through picked up few bits for dinner and although the weekend will be quiet I am plenty busy enough at home. Need to start by emptying a few drawers, put my ties away safely and then look at some music for the websites later on. The music stuff keeps me busy and interested, I also have plenty of podcasts to download and listen too. 

It's another weekend of NFL action in London, the game at Wembley on Sunday afternoon is Tennessee Titans vs Los Angeles Chargers live on BBC Tv. Plus the USA Grand Prix F1 on Channel 4 and I'll follow AFC Wimbledon against Blackpool in a game that might see us fall into the relegation zone if we were to lose. Look forward to having Wednesday off midweek which should be a trains day if I can manage to keep it together until then. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY ONE 08/10 -- 14/10

Starting another week with Monday off, had hoped to use these days for interviews but sadly that's not happening at the moment so will see what we can do instead. If nice day I need to pop out, and bring back some lunch, maybe catch up on some admin and have a tidy around try and empty some of these drawers really. Nothing exciting, and no money to get me through the coming weeks so will have to be careful as usual. It's possible that the next month or two could see some improvement and I want to have funds away for next year although that does feel like a long way off to really be confident that it can happen. 
Written up plenty this week with racing at Pontefract almost coming to a close for the season, another fixture at Kempton on the Wednesday and then it's back to the football including the NFL games at Wembley which begin this coming Sunday when Oakland Raiders entertain Seattle Seahawks. This match is live on BBC on Sunday night so that will give me something to do later before another week of work. 

Speaking of work, and they've moved what remains of the IT team and the Content delivery team into the middle of the office, not gone down too well amongst the troops but I just crack on and keep busy for now. 

Earlier in the week I had a nice surprise with an unexpected phone call and chat with an old School friend Stephanie Norton (now Steffi Lee) called her back as she was waiting for her youngest son Charlie in Sandown (IOW) and had a near two hour chat about life. Really nice evening as well given I am usually afraid of making phone calls. Will see if this develops at all but maybe that's me jumping to conclusions. We have a planned Tarot reading later which might be interesting and another long phone call later in the week too which was nice. 

Met up with Ken (my old boss) and found out that another two are leaving, Chester (Finance) and Christina (Marketing) seems to be a high turnover of staff but not many coming in other than more sales people. Frustrating stuff have looked and applied for a few more jobs on Friday night. At least survived another week. 

2018 DIARY WEEK FORTY 01/10 -- 07/10

Opening up another week with a few days off on Monday and Tuesday, seeing William on Monday in Kingston for lunch which I hope I can afford to do. Seems to just be doing fine over the weekend although I bailed on going out with the guys but did meet up with Dave on Saturday watching the Manchester United vs West Ham game with Sam and Kevin. That saved us some trouble going out all day and in fact turned into a wonderful afternoon with the Ryder Cup golf also on. 

Monday meeting William for lunch in Kingston, having the much vaunted Quadzilla burger for lunch in the Conerstone pub. And on Tuesday we have a free day to do a little shopping and then it's AFC Wimbledon vs Bradford City at Kingsmeadow in League One. After a win on the weekend against another relegation threatened side in Oxford (2-1 victory) if we can take a further three points from lowly Bradford this will help the cause greatly and instil some confidence in our young side. Sadly another piss poor offering with Bradford winning 0-1 with a penalty their only real chance in the match. Now it seems that looking ahead to the weekend we've Plymouth who are currently bottom so maximum points really are up for grabs now and anything less will feel terrible. 

Rubbish week all told, no money, no sleep, no joy in my life at all. Trying to plan a way through to April 2019 but it might be in vain. Although that will be my 50th and seems like a nice round number to go out on.  

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY NINE 24/09 -- 30/09

Mixed week coming up for me, Paid on Tuesday which will help, although already spent as always. supposed to be out on Friday night with guys in Twickenham and then looking forward to a couple of days off next week. However Friday will also see Sonia leaving the office so another one gone, again I am pleased for her as she is unhappy with her situation and also I learnt her Mum is not very well so she will fly out and spend some time with her. Have also heard that some others have "left" or been "sacked" for various reasons, which doesn't bode well for the future really, add to that the current go live for Salesforce is delayed, hopefully only for a few days. 
Once again having really bad thoughts since the beginning of week, first of all about NOT wanting to go out with the guys on Friday, I wanted to go out , but all I can think of is ways to get out of it now. I thought it was about not having the money to go out, I had money, then lost it all. But the main thing stuck in my head is that I just don't have the will to carry on anymore. Been reading about other people's experiences as well as about people who did have to end it all for various reasons. Sadly many of these hit home for me too, and just don't seem to be able to shift it at all. Spend most of Wednesday feeling as though I was about to burst into tears all day. This is never going to go away, I had my chances earlier in the year and I've blown them. It's too much now, think it's best if I just leave it and wish everyone well. 

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY EIGHT 17/09 -- 23/09

A tricky final week for us for couple of reasons, one that I've no money so go easy, and two there are more people leaving the company and I feel even more left behind than before. Then on Monday morning I find that Sonia is leaving ... slightly different circumstances, her mother is unwell so going back home (Romania) to look after her. So pleased for her to be leaving as she has been very unhappy for a long time, but also somewhat sad for me as I like her an awful lot and will miss her tremendously. So I know I need to do more now to get myself out of there too and find something I will enjoy. 

Ken and Cathy were coming up to see us for lunch on Friday and while I cannot afford it (unless Ken pays, which he did bless him) I still want to go and join them. Lets' see where we end up and what happens. Omkar is also leaving on Friday but I cannot make his leaving do sadly. Also heard from Will, we are going to meet up on the 1st as I am off for a few days, so a long awaited Quadzilla in the Cornerstone pub in Kingston, look forward to that. 

Sadly heard the news on Saturday that Chas Hodges of Chas and Dave fame had passed away so very sad that I won't hear them live again and will have a night of his music on the facebook pages that I help to manage. How will the weekend go for me, looks like rain so have enough in for the weekend and we'll have to find plenty to do at home.


Managed to survive this month just about, that's good, onwards into October soon.

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY SEVEN 10/09 -- 16/09

Beginning this week with a couple of days off on Monday and Tuesday, no huge plans, though told work I'm off to the Test Match at the Oval which would have been nice but instead am only going to the Crematorium and a bit of shopping. Days off were booked a while back and I had hoped to have some interviews set up but since I've not really done very much about that it's no surprise that I'm still where I am and just getting by one week at a time. 

Listened to the Test Match though, everyone seems to be getting very excited about this, for me it's just another match. Did go to the Crem, spent an hour there, came back after some shopping and then also got some trains out to photograph for later. Tuesday was a much quieter day off, no money so stopped home, did my ironing and cleaning and also ran some trains on the board I purchased creating an N Gauge test track. Everything seems to run reasonably well, so will look to get a few more bits of rolling stock in time. Rest of the week fairly non eventful, back to office and getting by one day at a time. Have no funds so just getting through this month and then see how we see the year out. At least over the weekend there is plenty to follow, Football vs Scunthorpe, the F1 Grand Prix along with various podcasts. Might try and stay up to catch the boxing too but that's about 4am so we'll see.

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY SIX 03/09 -- 09/09

Starting the week back in the office without Ken and Cathy, see how the stand up meetings go they will probably be bossed by Stew so will have to take a breath. Had another bad weekend money wise, despite being successful on Friday night, lost the lot, idiot. Can we get through the month, we will have to try hard and go at least one day each week spending nothing. Looking forwards will be off work on Monday and Tuesday next week so will probably go to Crematorium then and write more, maybe getting the trains out for a run too. 

Monday and Tuesday was ok, the daily stand-up went fine, not so many people in but have been around checking that all is well with the different teams. But there's a feeling of being watched over now, and being undermined that I don't like. End of the week was a little better as I was being kept really busy and that's fine. Just about able to get through the rest of the week and month ahead if we are sensible, need a card to send to Lavinia for her birthday next week. 

Hopefully Wimbledon can get a win on Saturday against Gillingham as we desperately need the points. A weekend where the NFL has also kicked off and I will try and follow some of these games too. 

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY FIVE 27/08 -- 02/09

This week begins with a nice rest as it's a Bank Holiday Monday, however we won't be up to much as no funds, and barely able to get through the coming month. Of course dwelling on that will keep getting me down so looking at what I can do instead to occupy my mind without having to spend money. So Bank Holiday Monday was up and popped out for a little shopping, enough to batch cook some dinners for the week ahead. Ironing was the next big job and that's shirts and bits ready for another week at work (a slightly shorter one at that). Listening to some old podcasts that I had saved up, the "At Home" one by Colin Murray with Kriss Akabusi was excellent and I hope he will return with another series of these as they are very entertaining while doing the ironing and housework. 

 Written my own blogs for the week and drafted a few others, this includes some railway ones which also allowed us to get a few of my N Gauge items out for a run. Nice to see that even on a brief test track they do actually run, a couple of rough looking items that I picked up for peanuts on eBay will be ok for my needs. And was also able to check a few other items too. Have recently bought a larger baseboard which I need to start using, have track for now, thinking of creating some simple model kits too. We will see...

As mentioned before this is the last week working with Ken and Cathy, very sad for me, very happy for them. Liz is also off for the week back on Friday, I really feel like I don't want to come in then will see how I cope. Few others leaving yet I have nothing in the pipeline, mainly because I need to get my bills and finance in order first and that is something that will probably take a few years at this rate. IF I get through the coming weeks I might be better, for a short while, the long term is a difficult thing to get straight in my mind. 

End of September there is a night out planned with all the guys, yes i really want to go, but right now that feels like an impossibility. 

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY FOUR 20/08 -- 26/08

Difficult start to the week though did have a good night on Sunday meeting up with Mr Steve Skeats for a few beers in Windsor. Thanks Steve you did me the world of good mate. Now heading into the last two weeks of work with Ken and Cathy, that will be sad for me as already mentioned here. 

Midweek there is a host of football with AFC Wimbledon at home to Walsall on Tuesday night, and on the weekend they host the mighty Sunderland, sure to be a full house at Kingsmeadow and it will be interesting to see if we still unbeaten and on our run of clean sheets after these. Alas that didn't happen and we were well beaten midweek suffering a 1-3 reverse to a strong attacking Walsall side and with a rampant Sunderland to come this will certainly be a challenge on the weekend. 

Didn't do very much else this week, trying to look forward to a Bank Holiday weekend though no money as usual it'll be tricky to find the will and motivation to go out anywhere. Have got some more trains and track to try out so should get the board out and make a test track up over the weekend, it's also a return for the F1 Grand Prix after their mid season break I think it's at Belgium (Spa-Francorchamps). Something to enjoy on the weekend at least, we are a few weekends away from the opening NFL games too. 

Detox and chill this weekend, also a good time to give the technology a miss so will play some trains, listen to music and turn the phones off. 

Have a break from your phone now and then. 
Turn off your mobile phone. 
Mobile phones are a great way to keep in touch with colleagues, customers and the people you care about. For your own sense of peace and well-being it’s important to know when to turn off your mobile phone:
• Turn it off when you are having a conversation with someone in person.
• Turn it off when you are with friends and relatives so that you can be fully present. It will also make others feel good.
• Turn it off for some time each day so that you have “down time” time when you’re not working and when you can’t be interrupted by a ringing phone.

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY THREE 13/08 -- 19/08

Last couple of weeks in the office for my boss Cathy and the head of our IT Dept Ken. How I will do when they are both gone I've no idea, so am still trying to leave. All this is adding to my usual anxiety and I've not been coping very well at all. How do we get through this week again. Money has been really bad this last week, so much so that I cannot even bring myself to talk about it, however I do have some cash, have put cards away for the coming month and will try and be nice to myself. 

This coming weekend the plan is to go and see Steve in Windsor next weekend, he's an old work colleague from BancTec and we do only see each other once or twice a year, this one is long overdue because of me. I owe him lunch at the very least. He's one of the few good men out there, and is always there to listen when I needed someone. 
Also been chatting to Steffi in the Isle of Wight, another person I really want to go out and visit, but one thing or the other always gets in the way (my financial strife being the main barrier here as always). Wimbledon finally won in the league cup this week coming from behind to beat Portsmouth 2-1 at Fratton Park, and on Saturday we will be away to Barnsley another tough game but so far it's four points from six and two clean sheets which is nice.

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY TWO 06/08 -- 12/08

Tricky few weeks coming up now, at least this week is broken up a little by having Wednesday off work and I also managed to work at home on Tuesday too which was nice. Still boiling hot and impossible to sleep at night too, am up now at 3am beginning to write this really need some sleep and rest. Got to get through the next couple of weeks and have no money.

On the plus side, have been making some enquiries into jobs and a few have come back that are interesting, one in particular which is based in Hammersmith for UKTV. They looking for a manual tester / QA which would be great, seems a good opportunity on paper, have said yes to going forth via the agency and maybe something will come of it? A few others haven't quite excited me as much but it's slow progress and am still ok at this stage of the process.

Went out on Wednesday to meet Ruth and William in Kingston, had lunch in the Norbiton Dragon (pub) and while Ruth had to leave to go back to work stayed a good bit longer chatting to Will. Seen few other faces in the office, which was nice, and got back home about five to update my blogs, jump in the bath and chill out. Broken the week and only couple more days to go. Might just about survive money wise, shame I blew that £100 I paid in but will have enough to get through the next couple of weeks.

What happened at the end of the week I would rather NOT talk about to anyone but it's not going to end well is it. 

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY ONE 30/07 -- 05/08

Another week, another month really to try and survive, am getting worse every day. Only result for this week is that I will be busy as there are two big racing meetings on all week with Galway in Ireland and the Glorious Goodwood meeting to keep us occupied. Then come the weekend it's the beginning of the football season for AFC Wimbledon and will be blogging the game against Fleetwood as well. We WON 1-0 away, good start to season and Joe Pigott getting the goal in a game we dominated.

Having another poor week, though just about survival now once again. Keeping busy with the writing, and also heard from Lee about getting the guys out soon, all being well the end of September and I should be able to go to that. See all the boys, have a few beers and a curry. Might be out to see Ruth next Wednesday too if I can, go out and say hi, have lunch and enjoy the company. She's lovely and I do miss her although also way out of my league, just a fantasy figure. 

Have begun submitting some tentative applications for jobs including one at Great Ormand Street Hospital for their IT department. Doubt I'll hear back but you never know. In fact heard back rather quickly and they have declined to take me further. Not a huge surprise but still a bit disappointed although noted that the role no longer appears on their website so maybe it was already filled. Will have to keep trying. Also supporting Sonia who I work with and care a lot about as she seemed to be upset about the slow returns during this process. 

2018 DIARY WEEK THIRTY 23/07 -- 29/07

Our week begins with a day off on Monday which I booked as it's the 6th Anniversary of Dad passing away. 

Turned out to be a bad day for me, not only did I fail to make it to the Crematorium as planned but headed straight home once again. Didn't get much done at all either which annoyed me and felt like a waste of a few days off really. Sorry Dad. x

Got paid Wednesday, same old story it's all gone again and another advance taken. I thought I had got past this stage but here we go again. At least have some funds to get through the month, the aim to start putting something back for end of the year if you actually make it that far. Doesn't look too good at the moment if we are honest, another month wasted and just nothing really to show for your strife. What we must now do is find something else to occupy my time, job hunting might be a good idea. Am so tired of this that dark thoughts are regularly there, I really have no one to talk to and can't see a way forwards. 

A longstanding and wonderful friend got married last weekend, I didn't go, miss Sarah, glad she is happy and sorted, long may they enjoy life together. Was asked down, but I don't think I will be going anywhere anytime soon. 

What is wrong with me. I am so sad and alone.

2018 DIARY WEEK TWENTY NINE 16/07 -- 22/07

Monday, nice start to the day with a load of delays due to a line side fire at Feltham. Just about got in for 9am and then bored all day. Am glad it's a couple of short weeks, so have also booked myself days off for coming months and left only a few for end of the year for a change. No more World Cup or Wimbledon Tennis so a quiet week or two now is expected until our football season begins on 4th August with an away game against Joey Barton's Fleetwood Town. 

So this week we can enjoy a long weekend with Friday and Monday planned as leave. Was supposed to be travelling down to Bognor to attend Sarah and Graham's wedding party that sadly is not going to happen (the wedding is, silly, I meant I am not going to be travelling). Shame but this is the problems I have created for myself now. Friday off work and had a mooch around Kingston, very bad on my feet, was home and watch TV before 2pm. Rest of weekend following the Open Golf and the F1 German GP. 

Am bored, but keeping busy. However I do realise that I have lost touch with 99% of my friends, Vince, Neil, Mark ... all gone. Good luck to them, this is all on me. I only really have Julia and Paul, plus a few only friends like Stephanie in the Isle of Wight. Facebook lets me see that others are out there having fun, it's a shame I have shut myself off and don't join them. A lack of funds doesn't help either this is probably the end for me now. 

2018 DIARY WEEK TWENTY EIGHT 09/07 -- 15/07

Another dull and boring week at work, only highlights were not really work related. The first being a nice reply from Jenny about her first week off / maternity leave. Great to hear from her and only a few weeks until she has her baby. Must drop Will C a line too once i find his email address and I got that sent out midweek. 

Tuesday was nice, up on the 17th floor of our office we had a wonderful view of the RAF 100 Year celebrations including a 100 plane flypast across London. Spitfires, Lancaster Bombers, new stealth fighter jets and an impressive flypast of 22 Typhoons showing the 100 sign (above). All of this was followed of course by the Red Arrows. Wonderful sight shame it was all over in a matter of minutes. 

The World Cup Semi finals took place this week and while wasn't that bothered about France beating Belgium 1-0 on Tuesday it's the big one on Wednesday night when England face Croatia. Despite taking the lead in the fifth minute we were unable to take advantage and crashed out of this years competition one step away from the final. Congratulations to Croatia (well done Beatrix) winning 2-1 in Extra Time. 

William came into the office on Friday which was nice, we had some major issues with the sites so a distraction was welcome at the end of the week. Doing absolutely nothing this weekend although I have a lot of cleaning and clearing around to do to accommodate a large baseboard I ordered to run my N Gauge trains on which was handy and have finally binned my old printer which was broken and just taking up space. So with that out the way for now can try and tidy up a bit more. 

Next week another dull one, but another week nearer to my bosses leaving which is sad for me. I need to do something myself on that front and have Friday / Monday off too. More on that next time.

2018 DIARY WEEK TWENTY SEVEN 02/07 -- 08/07

Starting the week with couple of days off on Monday and Tuesday, usual story I pop out into Kingston and stay less than an hour because it's too uncomfortable and feeling under pressure. Return home having picked up birthday cards for Freddie and James to send later, plus a few supplies for this week. Watching Wimbledon (Tennis) as well as the World Cup fixtures at home. 

Blown all my money again, fed up with this, nothing to look forward to as days off just become random days at home doing bugger all. 

Went out on Tuesday too into Richmond, stayed out a bit longer though was very warm, Richmond Green was very sparse but found some shade and rested for a while with a coffee and a read of the papers. Still feel fed up but tried to smile today. Sent some messages, see how the rest of the week goes and do something on the weekend. 

At least England won in the World Cup and on Penalties too which was a rare change. Onto playing Sweden on Saturday afternoon where they win again 2-0 so now into a Semi Final next Wednesday. It has been a busy weekend ahead of sport, Wimbledon Tennis on, AFC Wimbledon playing Reading in the first pre season friendly where they won 4-2, plus the World Cup, and the F1 British Grand Prix at Silverstone. It's baking hot outside so I've got ciders in the fridge, I need to get some food shopping done but am going to mong out all weekend once again.

2018 DIARY WEEK TWENTY SIX 25/06 -- 01/07

FAREWELL JENNY x

Another week, starts off in sunshine and having been paid have slightly lightened the mood for a short while. It's the final week in the office for couple of colleagues, William and Jenny, and I need to start working on my own escape plan, which will need some action as I am really struggling to cope with day to day events. 

Leaving drinks, Andrew, Liz, Jenny 

Got paid, money all gone, no chance of going to Sarah wedding so need to cancel that hotel booking which I have now reluctantly done. She will be disappointed with me but there is no option now it is done. I am gutted, this so called life of mine is just a day to day misery. Really Martin what is the point of you ? 

Writing about World Cup games, Horse Racing and yet you actually do very little outside of going to work and coming home. What can you do, how do you change, there is clearly an in built self destruction in you, perhaps it would be better for all if you simply were not here anymore, I mean it's no big loss is it. Where are the happy times, nights out with these guys would be fun. No longer happening. I'm done

2018 DIARY WEEK TWENTY FIVE 18/06 -- 24/06

Last week till we are paid, cannot believe I am back in this situation so soon after bailing myself out, but here we are and back to the usual worry and scrapping together the last few quid to survive. Only another week and we will see the end of William (BA Contractor) and Jenny who will be leaving, Jenny is off to have another baby, Will however is just fed up and needs a new role one that can be both enjoyable and more lucrative for him. Having also learned that my boss is going by September I know it is time for me to go too, but this is difficult however essential as I am not one for making moves unless it is forced on me. Get the CV out, use my days off well to start looking for local work. 

Rest of the week was predictable, blown all my money, and now further in debt when I thought I'd cleared it. Having loads of dark thoughts about ending my life and oh yeah the World Cup started with England getting a lucky first win 2-1 against the mighty Tunisia and on Sunday will be facing another of the big power houses of world football Panama.

FRANKIE WINNING THE ASCOT GOLD CUP AGAIN

It's also been Royal Ascot all week have found literally NO winners so just as well there was no funds to have a bet. Blogged about it all week and got hardly any views so maybe that is a sign that I am just wasting time doing this.